Mess

flower flower flower...

dear flower, it's 5.24am now and im not sleep yet.

how can i sleep when im typing, it's ridiculous...

yesterday was a tough day for me and Z. we had a fight.

is there any cure for me to forget the passed??

I can't remember everything but i can remember one thing which is H.I.M!!

WHEN TALKING ABOUT HIM...

1. he's my boyfriend
2. he's cute
3. he's funny
4. he's annoying
5. he's clever (not all the time)

I want to know everything about him and he told everything.

I'm not satisfied, what else that I want?? I don't know...

Girl like me is complicated..

Everything that happened is a drama..that's what life supposed to be. it has conflict and tragedy so don't blame me..

Actually what I wanted to write is I am happy being you my love.

I always wanted you to be right next to me.

Every second I want to see you right here.

Whenever I need you, you're there.

But it's impossible because we're not married.

We're just in a relationship.

Anything can happen and I'm afraid I can't face it alone.

Falling in love with you for the third time is a chance for me to prove my love that has gone wrong before. I'm thankful to you by giving me this chance. But I never do good things to you. I beat you, I hurt you badly and now I realize, I am the one who creating this mess. I was wrong to you. I shouldn't think bad about you. You've prove your love to me by loving me and take good care of me. I'm ego and jealous too much for the things that you never do. 

I'm afraid all this mess will fed you up and you'll leave me.

I'm sorry for all the wrongs that I've done.

I'll try my best to be positive and I'll never let you down baby.

I'll be a better girl that you ever had.

This is my promise.

What I need is only time and your attention.

I want you to look at me like the first time you fell in love with me.

That's all I missed

REMEMBER THIS

Forget all the shit that I said to you.

I love you so much baby, EVERY SECOND IN MY LIFE.

I will never ever leave you. 

xoxo 

Baby

Hey dear,
i don't know why i felt so sad passed few days. i always had a fight with you and i don't understand what is wrong with me. i love you but when i heard about your passed, i feel so damn hurt and i can't forget about it..
eventhough it has been so long, but it still playing around in my mind.I did asked you about your ex, i want to know how did you treat them. Is it the same like the way you treat me. i always think that all boys are the same. i can't take it anymore. i am so confused, sometimes i feel like i wanna say the word break-up to you but i can't..
i can't break your heart for the third time. i know it'll hurt you so much...i know how does it feel..
but what about me? do i have to care about other's feelings compare to myself? or i can't say anything that might hurt your feelings ? maybe you might say that im selfish but it is not. it doesn't matter how hard i try to think positively, i can't...don't blame me because this is not my fault, blame other people who had make me this way. a person who had broke my heart for the first time. im sure that you know who is that person. i wish i can go back to him. until now im still miss him. but it's too late. i already have you, i can't hurt you anymore. let me be the one who feels that hurts. i don't care if i lose him but i can't lose you. love you so much baby..

i do love you, im jealous when you are with other girls but at the same it's fair enough for me. I don't have to cry because im the one who make the choice..i can't stop you from doing what you want. i can't control you...
when you want me, i'd rejected you and never care about your feelings. at that time i don't know what do i really want...im sorry baby. im so hurt. i don't know how does it feel when you really love someone. i never know at all. i just want to play with others people's feeling. until one day, i realize im tired of all this. it doesn't give me anything. im so fucked up. i can't really think and don't know what to do. im not good enough for you. you know why.

im just your gf but not your wife or anything. i don't know what my future might be. im afraid to know it because i can't take it.( i don't know why i write this, i just want you to know that i love you so much.

you always care about me. but sometimes your words do hurt my heart. i don't want to say it because you should know, you're the one who said that. sometimes when i talk to you, you always make a face that i felt like so annoying. if you don't want to listen to what im trying to say, you can just tell me. i feel like a fool when tell you a long story but you never listen and understand it. you may not realize that but it is okay.

i can't believe when you shout at me that day. you're the first person doing that to me. after that i don't want to see you anymore because im afraid that you might beat me or do something to me. but i still meet you because i need to see you always, everytime. i still think about you, i don't want things to be complicated.

sometime i felt guilty to you. you always do what i really want you to do. you are so sweet baby. you love me so much until you didn't care what other people say about you. i feel pity for you. you can't do that baby.
you do have your own future. i don't want your future ruin because of me. i hope you'll think carefully about it.

TRUST. i need more time baby. please don't force me. i do trust you before but there are certain things that you said and you did that had broke my trust.
whatever i say it comes from my heart and what i feel when i with you all this time baby.

love you Baby.
xoxo

happy :)

Hey there!!

it has been such a looooooonnnggg time i didn't my blog. im too busy and forget my email address..haha...i think i might have Alzheimer. Im so forgetful that i can't remember where do i put my stuffs like hp, books etc. now im sitting on my bed and listening to neyo- OIAM. my favourite song..yeah..

now, i stayed in Casa Prima. I don't know whether it is an apartment or condominium. some people said condominium, other people said apartment. whatever it is i don't care. I am happy with my life now. Im staying with 7 of my friends. they all are so funny, friendly, helpful and sometimes annoying. hahaha..just kidding...i miss faiqa and su. :( anyway, all of them are like my family. i love them so much. they are fun to be with. im happy with them. they do care about each other. we usually love to teasing each other but for me that's just for fun. you know when we are stress and don't know what to do, we'll dance, sing and scream. watch scary movies and hangout together..we had so much fun..:D

last night was a sad night for me. i don't know why i felt so sad and started crying. when my housemate asked me, i said i missed my family. but that is the normal thing for students who studied far from their family. actuallly i'd just came back from my hometown last week. hahaha...im so mengada-ngada...that is what my housemates said..

the truth is im jealous with one of my friend. i don't know why when i have already choose a friend that could be my bestfriend it always end up with dissapointment. there will always be a third person but what i need is a true friend. maybe this is "balasan" for me because i always ignore a person that close to me most of the time. she always be there for me. from now on i don't have to find bestfriend because she is already there. love you "happy joy" :)

anyway, im now with Zariff Rasul. A boy who i had hurt so much. i lied to him, i broke his heart and now im coming back to him. I'd realize that he is the only guy i loved and i can't let him go now and forever. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. he is my only one. love you baby. xoxo

about my study, i had a great result for last semester. i had a dean list, 3.56. i feel so great about it and i hope for the next semester i'll get dean list AGAIN. amin.

i miss him so much. we have a fight today because he can't skype with me. he's going out with his friend and im like waiting for him till now. im listening to who wants to be alone by nelly furtado feat dj tiesto. i dedicated this song to every person in this world that have the same feeling like this song..

actually, i don't know what im saying right now..

till then, bye

xoxo

Wordless

hey there!! it has been so long i didn't update this blog.

First of all, i would like to say Happy Fasting Day!! well, i will start with my new life.

now, i'm a freshie in Diploma Civil Engineering at UiTM Pulau Pinang. It was already 2 months and i had a lot of friends. It was very enjoyable but it's still sad because i'm far away from my family.

I'd been there on 26th of june, it was hard at first but i try to stay calm and forget about everything and focus on my study. I've been staying with 3 of my roomates, Iman, Sufia and Fiqah. They are so kind-hearted, funny and caring. I love them so much. They are like my 2nd family. We share things together and we also had a sweet memory. I think i had much fun there and i'm really appreciate it.

But from the happiness, there are the sad things had happened on me. It was my fault, i regret it a lot. I felt sorry for him but i can't do anything. It was really hurt and i hope he wouldn't do stupid things. It happens yesterday...

As i was having my happiest time, suddenly the tears fall down my cheek. I was the one who set up this thing and everything "BOOM!!" All the secrets that i've been kept was broken. At the i-City it had starts where i had confessed everything and it was feelingless. I was confused and i had a fight with my boyfriends. I promise that i won't do it and i keep crying...i really love him.

At last i have to choose between them. It was so hard and unfair for the other one. I'm scared that i will lose him. So, I choose A rather than Z. It was really hurt and i'm afraid if that things happen to me. It's like what goes around comes around. From now on, i promise to myself that i won't do it again and stay one instead of two.

Now, i don't have to worry so much and i feel relieve.....

what i've done

today is a boring day bcoz i jz sit at home.
i wake up at 2.30pm, i elt damn tired bcoz yesterday i slept at 3.30am
what did i do?? i am myspacing, facebooking, chatting....damn bored.
after i woke up, i had my lunch which is rice and fish like cat's meal..hahaha...
then, i playing around with my nephew, Rayyan. he's so naughty but cute. now, he'd already know how to count. it was so funny when listening to his counts.
well, then i'm searching for a best ringtone from my brother's handphone....but nothing i get.
At 5 pm, i watched MM25, followed by FUHHH! then, on my laptop, check emails and have some chat with Woki. He was trying to flirt with Bella. His new best gf. Bella had shown a lot of clue to him but he didn't realise it. Woki likes Bella but he did'nt know whether Bella likes him or not..
ah, such a drama...whatever!!
after that, i take a bath then have my dinner and chit chat with my family then continue destroying my eye( online)

now, im sitting in front of the laptop, updating my blog while txting my dude..
urgghh...so bored...

and this dude saying that he want to hangout with me tonight. I want to but i'm totally lazy right now. moreover, it's not good that girls going out late night with guys....like people use to say..."tak manis" and it's very dangerous.
well, i said i don't know which place to hangout to..what to do...
i can't wait to get my car license so that i can go out night and enjoying my life..so lame..
everyone had done it b4..such a loser. :(
btw, while waiting for my turn going to NS...i'm now learning how to sew. such a wonderful thing i ever dream b4. if i can't be a Fashion Designer, at least i can make my own clothes..hahaha
tomorrow i'll buy some cloth and going to vut it in my next class.
wohoo!!! can't wait..

this 23rd April, i'll have a dinner. the theme is glam look. and i been seraching on the web how to dress up and looks glamorous. well, i'll tell u what will i wear on that night in the next post.
till then..bye!!

confused??

hi there!! it's such a long period of time i had never look upon this blog..
it is not because i have no time but i don't have any interesting story to share with you guys.
hurmmm...first thing is i had been working in FRUITY cake shop near my house 2 months ago.
yeah, a very short time to gain an experience right? whatever...
what an experience that i got from that place...it's a very busy place and i felt very annoying with all the customer there. it was totally sucks sometimes. but there are few of them who can really tolerate and understanding. i don't really like the MANAGER. because she's so bossy. she 's so clumsy and get easily panic when there's some mistake or when something doesn't go smoothly...
yeah, it's okay to be worried but not every 24/7....duhh...
not just an experience that i have but friends too..i met with lienda, liyana, intan,keong,wainil and many more. they are really nice to me but sometimes so annoyed...hahaha..
they are so funny and loves to make silly jokes. huhuhu...
ok thats it about my work..

next is about me..nahh...about my life and people around me..
why did i feel so lonely and boring everyday??
i feel like so messy, dull and not confident about myself...
i want to do things that i want but i don't have any members to share with..so sucks!!
i do have girlfriend to hangout with but all of them can't going out everyday like me...
normally i just hangout with my boyfriends and i am the only girl in that group.....
i am so jealous with my schoolmates which they have a clique to hangout with but i don't have any clique....argghhh..

i am so jealous with my sister. she got whatever she want and she got a lots of unforgettable memories like ride in skyline car,S15, MINI Cooper car and all sports car in this world..
i wish that i have a friend like that.....[sigh]

i want to be me but i don't really understand what i want and still searching for that...
anyway, i want to improve myself to be the better ones and i hope that i can reach that target..
hahaha..

is it true that boys like this kind of girl:
-sexy
-rich
-big boobs
-pretty
-long hair
-mix family
bla bla bla...

am i too desperate or obsess to be boys attraction or to be a perfect girl??
answer me...[screaming]

Goodbye 17!! Welcome 18!!

Hey there, it has been such a long time i didn't update this blog. it's bcoz i am too busy and got no mood and idea to write something[sigh].

I would like to wish all of you a Happy New Year 2010!! New Year with New Determination and Goal. My goal for this year is to achieve excellent results in my SPM..urgghh..so scared!!!
I am truly can't make any decision for my future..i don't know what i want in my life..i just go with the flow. Well actually i wanted to be a fashion designer but my mother didn't agree with it. she asked me to be a DENTIST...so tension about it. Whatever!!

Anyway, yesterday i was celebrating new year with my ex-boyfriend[Adib] and my friends[Harpal, Apy, Wan, Aime,Willy, Pravind]. i don't really know them very well but i just join them. Whatever. The point is yesterday, all my ex-boyfriend[Farhan, Zariff, Adib] texts me.
Firstly, Zariff because we used to text each during our bored time. haha!! Then, Farhan..he was my first love.. [;P] Lastly was Adib[ the only bf i mostly loved]. He is younger than me, he's 17 now.
Yesterday, we countdown together..it was a moment thath i can't forget...hahaha..he wish me Happy New Year....i still love him but i can't forget things that he did to me.....things that really hurt my feelings and my heart. Before the countdown, we went to MODERN and have something to eat. He pick me at home by bicycle. I am standing at his back. I feel like wnat to hug him....OMG...but i control myself. Anyway, he sat beside me at MODERN [=D] He grab my hand and said he was cold. Haha..he said that because he had trouble with a guy[Ridzuan] and that guy will coming to punch him..hahaha...just kidding. We take a picture after that and then he went home beacuse his mother will searching for him when she woke up. hahaha...totally liar..
hurmmm...then, he texts me and propose me to be his gf. And i said "are you serious??". I don't feel like to trust him anymore. Because before this he had did this to me. And he playing with my feelings. He wants me but he don't take it serious. So, i try t control my feelings and to be chill and more relax. And now i am fine, it's better for me to be his friend and not more than that. I can't let other people's feeling hurt again. I know how it feels. Zariff also did the same thing i mean propose me before new year but i reject him because i don't want to hurt his feeling. I have to be fair with them. I hope that this year i'll have a guy that i dream of before...Amin...

I think thats all for now

xoxo